Three Kisses and One touch 

We’ve been lost for a while now.
We’ve lost time somehow.
And just when I thought there was nothing to fear as such.
You made me realise it was all about the three kisses and one touch.

We push each other to the goal.
We bandage each others dismantling soul.
Little did I know, it wouldn’t mean much,
Without three kisses and one touch.

I always thought you were worth my while
The sound of your laugh always made me smile.
But when your arm wasn’t there to clutch,
It drove us mad…..
The three kisses and one touch.

We said nothing could break us down,
we made plans for after we left this town.
And it’s a shame, we lost the game
Were ready to fade each others name
For our eyes couldn’t meet as much
As demanded by those three kisses and one touch.

Once in a while

In broken homes,
Under empty domes,
Nobody says a word.
Under lonesome nights
In repetitive fights,
Love’s no longer heard.
In a world of color
My thoughts now holler
With tears a see through white.
Soundless noises I hear
They sound like her,
That past I now despise.
But that’s all gone
Things moved on
And I’m happy as can be.
But that doesn’t mean
I never fall back
To the sorrow of you and me.

You

Let’s all embrace 
The scars on our face,
the guilt in our soul,
And the side we don’t show.
The dreams that failed ,
Our very foolish ways.
The guilty affection
Our skills that lack perfection.
The little things we hate,
And the ones we’re too embarrassed to admit we love.

We live in a perfect world,
With silicon doll standards.
We ought to be alike
Or we aren’t doing it right.
Why is it so? We’ll never know
The holding back of expression
Because of the shackles,
And then there’s depression
That affects nobody but us.
But who cares,
As long as they like your dress of course!

As we fill our shopping bags,
With very heavy price tags.
We talk the talk people want to hear
And we push away everyone coming near.
We dont take the time to question why,
There’s nobody holding us each time we cry.
As you think I’ll tell you,
I took my time and questioned too.
“Maybe”, I thought to myself,
It’s the fear of cracking open the shell.
You know the one we keep ourself in.
For we don’t know if what’s on the inside
Will be liked by the ones we present it to.
And to that I say…. just be you.
I don’t think it’s said enough,
when it is, it doesn’t mean much.

Here I sit writing things ,
Poetry to suit everyone’s sins.
Every time a poet sinches his clothes.
He knows his shabbiness is what shows.
But his scattered expression never bothers him,
For he has faith in what he offers.
Nothing filtered, nothing coffered.
That’s the way to be I’d say.
To love yourself come what may.
Be true to yourself come what may. 

A grandmothers unheard plea

​Soft face,
Wrinkled gaze,
Gray hair,
Voice a blaze.
Thinks to herself and she says:
Son out ,
Making money.
The other in,
Texting mommy.
The life I nurtured ages ago,
His love for me has time no more.

House big, voices none.
Walls high, faces some.
Together knit, tied and knotted,
But the threads have split
And they can’t be spotted.
If only I found a lose end and caught it,
Maybe I’d fix it before I rotted

They said grandchildren would love you till eternity,
They didn’t mention
It’s expression had no certainty.
Everybody seems to grow and grow,
But my pace seems to slow and slow.

Family, they said would walk together,
But they all seem to run,
And I!
I’m a falling feather.

Each day passing
Seems a month long.
But when they’re near me
I stand strong.
And when they’re near me,
I know where I belong .
Only if they would stay,
like an ever lasting song.
Only if they would play,
Like an ever lasting song.

Frivolous 

​Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who’s the fairest of them all?
“Not you madam, not you at all.
Even though you stand 10 feet tall.”

Needle needle in my hand,
Should I shift to another brand?
The mirror wouldn’t take my stand.
“Botox in a foreign land?”

Cocaine cocaine in my blood,
Why is your high such a dud?
“Blow me, own me a little more.
Trust me you’ll feel good for sure!”

Money money in my head,
Why won’t you let me go to bed?
“To thrill you, kill you is what I want.
And still it’s ME you want to flaunt.”

Liner liner on my eye,
You smudge all over
When I cry.
What do I do to satisfy,
this beast always passing by.

Mirror mirror what would it take
For you to love my beauty fake.

“Madam it’s not you I hate,
It’s your skin coated like cake.
You couldn’t love yourself,it’s true,
What do you want me to do?
Make you feel like beauty divine?
You forget that’s your duty, not mine!
Love your outside don’t make it sore,
Because that just numbs your inside more.”

The smell of a forgotten Paintbrush 

The smell of a forgotten paintbrush 
In the back of my head,
the smell of a billion memories
From before I was so dead.

The smell of my innocence 
When I first held it,
When I was just 7
and size 3 shoes still fit.

When mama called me Picasso 
For randomly scattered paint,
But that was before
My spirit started to faint.

I stare into empty moonlight,
thinking of that Paintbrush.
“I have parted like its bristles”,
Tears start to gush.

Parted from bliss,
and those pleasures I now miss.
Is this what living demands?
As you grow older
To grow away from joy?
To run like Cattle because
Life is a Battle and it must.
Be. Triumphed.

But what worth is winning 
if it means soul killing?
Not smiling from within
and being merely skin.

As I stare into empty moonlight 
I feel my skin hollow.
I forget expectation, sin, duty
And life is what I swallow.

I promise the empty moonlight,
To fly in the rain,
For the smell of the forgotten paintbrush,
Has painted wings for me again.

“I need to tell you something”

“I need to tell you something”
Tell me then
Tell me stories of your childhood
Tell me what it’s like to dance like a peacock in the rain,
Tell me your thoughts from 3AM,
Tell me  about how the bees make honey ,
Or tell me about how the neighbours daughter made all that money,
Tell me about your sickening desire
I want to know more about the phoenix in the fire.
Tell me stories of broken weddings,
Tell me the memories the ocean bought back.
Tell me about war, speak to me about that really attractive actress.
Tell me why there are tears in your eyes
Tell me how the saviour dies.
Tell me the notes the wind played that day
Tell me all 10 things that you wanted to say
Just make sure you don’t go too far
For if you tell me your world is in my eyes
And that my heart is your disguise
I’ll tell you , you are sick
And I’m your disease
If it’s not about love, tell me more
But if it is then I’ll never be sure.

The Nobody

I star gaze!
Staring into the emptiness of the black night, lost, I wish on the stars.
Those ambitions that foster in the dark are usually the ones which spark a fire to light my soul. Ironic, how the physical loneliness is what fills me with love, strange how the tiny twinkles seem brighter to me than the blazing sun.

I have never been the kind who would enjoy the company of hour glass figures, there’s something about their painted, perfectly shaped nails that just does not appeal to me. I have never been the kind who would enjoy the company of science freaks either, their consistent theories and endless urge to drive facts and figures into EVERYTHING just kills  room for fictitious possibility. Introverts are too silent, they bore me, extroverts talk too much, they bore me. Artists are always too lost to start a conversation with and sportsmen too proud to listen to what I have to say. I am who you would call ‘antisocial’ …….. I call myself The Nobody.

My asociality is not the outcome of my lack of confidence or shyness, it is the outcome of not being able to relate with a kind.How do I speak to the real life barbie dolls if I cannot differenciate between their lipstick shades, how to relate with someday Einstein if I do not care about the whys and hows of everything. I don’t know, maybe it’s an art I haven’t mastered yet.

So at this point, you might have concluded that I am a lonely soul ranting about the loneliness I created for myself. But, is loneliness defined as the lack of physical beings to surround yourself with? I don’t know. I like to define loneliness as the lack of ways to release your emotions in a world where you can be surrounded by  a billion ears without any paying attention. By my definition, I am not lonely. All my emotions are out there, they aren’t travelling through ear canals, they are travelling through the night sky, the universe, they travel to the moon and I don’t know where next. All I know is that it is soothing; it is more satisfying to have faith in emptiness, nullness, in the darkness than to rest my trust in those billion treacherous ear canals.

That being said, I often wonder, am I really  The Nobody? I could be the artist for I too am lost in a world that may or may not exist, I could be Miss high fashion, low IQ because  I think I am different for acting like a mad man, talking to empty spaces. Am I the geek obsessed with astronomy, the introvert who doesn’t talk to people or the extrovert who talks to people enough to know what they behave like?

Staring into the emptiness of the black night, I would never know.

Things they won’t Understand

Empty heart, pretty soul,
Empty stomach, empty bowl.
Hair ironed, eyes dark.
Strong headed, with a spark.
Spark don’t fire, its afraid.
Put off by her tear cascade.

Casements open, wind stands still,
She can’t breathe,
can’t see uphill.
Past struggles misunderstood,
emotions guarded by a hood.

Knife on table, shining sharp,
mind unable to light the dark.
Heart beating fast,
Running for hope,
Thought after thought,
she starts to choke.

Knife in hand, heart on tip,
mind prepared, stomach sick.
Decreasing distance,
Knock on door,
Knife fallen on the floor.

Shirtless stranger,
dollars in hand.
Another tenant on her land.
Empty stomach through the night,
the dollars fed her by daylight.

She Changed

He told me she was different now,
He said something about a road trip
and a half empty packet of cigarettes.

He said she changed 3 guys in 2 days
He said she gazed away her days
in bathtubs of cocaine showers.

I contemplated, debated
How was she so sedated?

It was just yesterday,
When we were kids of eight
Making promises we couldn’t fulfil for fate

Then she left for the hostel dorms
and then today he tells me
she attempted to run away all alone

“She changed”, he said
She changed! I accepted
She changed; but my time didn’t

I’m still there running in  the playground with her
making innocent promises,
I’m still there but I think she left long ago…..